dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Enjoy the penises
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
