He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There r osticjed everywhere
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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