He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
