I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
