$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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