yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
