i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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