The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
