I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
