O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
