Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
