She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
How's work?
Spinning.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
