Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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