Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
