my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
