I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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