I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
