So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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