We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I want to stick my p in your. b.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
