What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
