a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
