I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
