when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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