thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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