Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
