My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
