We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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