glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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