My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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