I need to stop coming to work sober
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
