the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
