no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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