The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
