i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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