and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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