I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
