Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
