when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm just crazy horny about you
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
