covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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