I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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