Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
