I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Randomize