He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
