I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize