I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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