Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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