I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
