He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
