and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
