I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
