I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
