so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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