When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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