dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
