i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
