Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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