i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize