Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
