Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize