I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Im part way to drunk.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
