with your own penis?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
