Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My ATM looks so different sober.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
