There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
