My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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