from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
