the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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