im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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