Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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