Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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