If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
