I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
