If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
