This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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