i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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