Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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