Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
The ass gains better be worth it
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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