I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
